From People-Pleasing to Peace: The Power of Boundaries
Stephanie Strouth • August 23, 2025
Shifting From Overgiving to Authentic Living
Boundaries can be one of the most challenging—and most important—parts of maintaining healthy relationships. Many of us were never taught what a boundary looks like, and if you have a history of people-pleasing, it can feel uncomfortable or even “wrong” to consider putting your own needs first. Yet boundaries are not walls meant to keep others out. They are healthy guidelines that allow us to stay grounded, safe, and connected without losing ourselves.
At our counseling practices in Wise, Abingdon, and Pennington Gap, Virginia, we often meet individuals who struggle with boundaries because they’ve learned to prioritize others’ comfort over their own well-being. Setting limits can bring up confusing emotions—fear, guilt, sadness, or even anger—but it’s also one of the most powerful ways to protect your mental health.
When Might You Need to Set Boundaries?
Boundaries often become necessary when something in a relationship starts to feel “off.” Maybe you notice that you leave interactions feeling drained or resentful. Perhaps you find yourself saying “yes” when you really mean “no,” simply to avoid disappointing someone. Or you may notice patterns of overcommitment, where you have little time or energy left for yourself.
These moments are signals that a boundary could help restore balance. Boundaries can be especially important around time, emotional availability, and respect. For example, saying no to extra responsibilities at work when your plate is already full, or letting a friend know that constant late-night texts are disrupting your rest. While each situation is unique, the common thread is this: boundaries help protect your energy and values.
How to Know if Your Boundary Is Appropriate
It’s natural to wonder if you’re being “too harsh” or “selfish” when setting a boundary, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing. One helpful way to check yourself is to ask: Is this boundary about taking care of my well-being, or is it about controlling the other person?
Healthy boundaries focus on your own needs. For example, “I won’t be answering work calls after 7 p.m.” is about caring for your rest, while “You’re not allowed to call me after 7” puts the focus on controlling someone else. The difference may seem small, but it matters. Approaching boundaries from a place of self-care makes them more respectful, both to you and to the other person.
Communicating Your Boundaries Safely
Sharing a boundary can be nerve-wracking. It’s not uncommon to fear rejection or conflict, especially if past experiences have taught you that asserting yourself leads to negative outcomes. When you feel safe to do so, try to:
• Speak clearly and calmly about your needs.
• Use “I” statements, such as, “I need more notice for plans,” instead of, “You always spring things on me.”
• Keep it simple—boundaries don’t need long explanations to be valid.
Still, not everyone will respond positively. Some people may resist, ignore, or even mock your boundary. This can be painful, but it’s also revealing. How someone responds to your expressed needs says a lot about the health of the relationship. If their reaction feels unsafe or consistently dismissive, it may be worth considering more distance or seeking support in managing that dynamic.
Moving Forward Based on the Response
• When boundaries are respected: Relationships often deepen, because both people feel heard and safe.
• When boundaries are challenged but eventually honored: Growth is possible. Sometimes it takes time for others to adjust.
• When boundaries are consistently rejected: This may be a sign that the relationship is unhealthy, and you may need to make hard decisions about how much access this person has to your time and energy.
Whatever the outcome, it’s important to remember that your boundary is valid simply because you need it.
Coping with the Outcome
Even when boundaries lead to healthier relationships, the process can stir up difficult emotions. You may feel guilt for saying “no,” grief for what the relationship used to be, or fear of conflict. These feelings are normal—and they don’t mean you made the wrong choice.
The first and most important step in coping is self-care. This might look like journaling to process your feelings, practicing mindfulness to stay grounded, engaging in creative outlets, or surrounding yourself with people who support your growth. Prioritizing rest, nutrition, and exercise can also help you manage the stress that comes with boundary-setting.
If self-care alone isn’t enough, additional support can be helpful. Counseling provides a safe place to untangle your emotions, learn communication skills, and find validation for your experiences. For those struggling with conditions like anxiety or depression, pairing counseling with medication management can provide even more stability and support. At our locations in Wise, Abingdon, and Pennington Gap, Virginia, we are here to walk with you through these challenges with compassion and understanding.
Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries isn’t easy, especially if you’ve spent years putting others first. But boundaries are an act of courage and self-respect. They create space for healthier, more balanced relationships and allow you to show up authentically in your own life.
If you’re wondering whether counseling could be helpful for you in this process, we invite you to take our short quiz. It’s a simple first step toward gaining clarity about your needs and exploring whether additional support could help you move forward with confidence.
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Clothing/ Household Items Advocate Center Phone: 276-679-0967 Address: 1024 Park Ave NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 8 -5 Appalachian Community Action & Development Agency, Inc Phone: 276-452-2441 Address: 175 Military Lane, Gate City, VA 24251 Hours: Call for hours of operation Website: www.appcaa.org Family Crisis Support Services Phone: 276-679-7240 Address: 5668 Freedom Boulevard, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 9-5, Saturday-Sunday 2-10 Website: www.family-crisis.org Goodwill Phone: 276-679-6150 Address: 205 Ridgeview Rd SW, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday- Saturday 10-7 Red Barn Phone: 276-679-6709 Address: 660 US-58 ALT, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5, Saturday 9-4 Salvation Army Phone: 276-328-2000 Address: 109 Glade St SE, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 10-4, Saturday 10-3 Dental Services Appalachian Highlands Dental Center Phone: 276-525-4487 Address: 616 Campus Drive #100, Abingdon, VA 24210 Hours: Monday - Friday 8-5 Website: www.applachianhighlandsdental.com Health Wagon - Owens and Hill Dental Health Clinic Phone: 276-328-8850 Address: 5626 Patriot Dr, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Website: www.thehealthwagon.org Health Wagon Mobile Clinics Courthouse - 206 E Main St., Wise, VA 24293 - First Monday Food City - 603 Wood Ave, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 - Second Monday IGA - 11133 Indian Creek Road, Pound, VA 24279 - Second Thursday Food City - 16410 Wise Street, St. Paul, VA 24283 - Third Tuesday Doughmakers Pizza Parking Lot - Norton, VA 24273 - Third Wednesday Mountain Comprehensive Health Corporation Phone: 606-633-4871 Address: 226 Medical Plaza Lane Whitesburg, KY 41858 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30- 8:00, Saturday - Sunday 8:30 - 5:00 Website: www.mchcky.com Wise County and City of Norton Health Department Phone: 276-328-8000 Address: 134 Roberts Ave SW, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:45 - 4:45 Website: www.vdh.virginia.gov Domestic Violence Support Family Crisis Support Services Phone: 276-679-7240 Address: 5668 Freedom Boulevard, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 9-5, Saturday-Sunday 2-10 Website: www.family-crisis.org National Domestic Violence Hotline Phone: 800-799-7233 Text: Text BEGIN to 88788 Website: www.thehotline.org Victim Witness Program Phone: 276-328-4421 Hours: unavailable Address: 214 East Main Street, Wise, VA 24293 Website: https://www.wisecounty.org/DocumentCenter/View/332/Domestic-Violence Brochure-PDF Federal/State Support Social Security Administration Phone: 800-772-1213 Address: 253 Ridgeview Rd SW, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-4 Website: www.ssa.gov Virginia Cooperative Extension Phone: 276-328-6194 Address: 515 Hurricane Rd NE, Wise, VA, 24293 Hours: Monday-Friday: 9-5 Website: www.wise.ext.vt.edu Food Assistance Advocate Center Phone: 276-679-0967 Address: 1024 Park Avenue NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 10-3 East Stone Gap Baptist Church Food Pantry Phone: 276-523-9958 Address: 3904 E Stone Gap Rd, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 Hours: Monday & Wednesday 10-12 First Baptist Church Phone: 276-395-6237 Address: 701 Front St E, Coeburn, VA 24230 Hours: Thursdays 10-1 Food Bank of Wise County, Inc. Phone: 276-679-3663 Address: 200 Industrial Drive Northeast Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Tuesday, Friday 10:00-11:30 Food Bank of Wise County, Inc. Phone: 276-523-2110 Address: 914 Wood Ave W, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 Hours: Tuesday & Thursday 9:30 - 11:30 Meals with a Mission Phone: 276-523-1288 Address: 14 East 11th Street North, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 Hours: Call for more information Mountain Empire Older Citizens Congregate Nutrition Program Phone: 276-523-4202 Address: 1501 Third Ave East, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30 - 4:30 Wise County/Norton Health Department - WIC Benefits Phone: 276-328-8000 Address: 134 Roberts Ave SW, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:45 - 4:45 Wise County Department of Social Services - SNAP Benefits Phone: 276-328-8056 Address: 5612 N Bear Creek Rd, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:00-4:30 Zion Family Ministries Food Pantry Phone: 276-679-1871 Address: 1613 Norton Rd, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: 4th Monday of each month from 9:30 until food is gone Housing/Shelter Assistance Advocate Center Phone: 276-679-0967 Address: 1024 Park Ave NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 8-5 Appalachian Community Action & Development Agency, Inc Phone: 276-452-2441 Address: 175 Military Lane, Gate City, VA 24251 Hours: Call for hours of operation Website: www.appcaa.org Big Stone Gap Redevelopment & Housing Authority Phone: 276-523-4788 Address: 170 Dogwood Tier, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 Hours: Monday-Friday- 8:30- 4:30 Website: https://bsgha.org Commonwealth Catholic Charities Phone: 276-679-1195 Address: 507 Park Avenue Southwest, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30 - 5:00 Website: www.cccofva.org Family Crisis Support Services Phone: 276-679-7240 Address: 5668 Freedom Boulevard, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 9-5, Saturday-Sunday 2-10 Website: https://family-crisis.org Norton Redevelopment & Housing: Phone: 276-679-020 Address: 200 6th St NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday-8:00-4:30 Website: https://nortonrha.org Wise County Redevelopment & Housing Authority Phone: 276-395-6104 Address: 107 Litchfield St NW, Coeburn, VA 24230 Hours: Monday-Friday-8-4 Website: https://www.wcrha.org Legal Assistance Circuit Clerk Court Phone number: 276-328-6111 Address: 206 E Main St #245, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday-Friday-8-4 Website: https://courtbar.org General District Court Clerk Phone: 276-328-3426 Address: 206 E Main St #341, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday-Friday-8-4 Website: https://www.vacourts.gov/courts/gd/home Juvenile & Domestics Relations Court Clerk Phone: 276-328-4486 Address: 206 E Main St #1, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday-Friday-8-4 Website: https://www.vacourts.gov/courts/jdr/home Commonwealth Attorney Phone: 276-328-9406 Address: 206 E Main St #123, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday- Friday- 9-6 Website: https://www.wisecounty.org/Directory.aspx?did=23 Magistrate’s Office Phone: 276-328-8947 Address: 5601 Patriot Dr, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday-Friday- 24 hours a day Website: https://www.courts.state.va.us/courtadmin/aoc/mag/map/magregion1 Victim Witness Program Phone: 276-328-4421 Hours: unavailable Address: 214 East Main Street, Wise, VA 24293 Website: https://www.wisecounty.org/DocumentCenter/View/332/Domestic-Violence Brochure-PDF Medical Assistance Health Wagon Clinics Phone: 276-328-8850 Address: 5626 Patriot Dr, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Website: https://thehealthwagon.org/ Health Wagon St. Mary’s Clinic Phone: 276-455-5556 Address: 116 Centre Ave NE, Coeburn, VA 24230 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Health Wagon Mobile Clinics Courthouse - 206 E Main St., Wise, VA 24293 - First Monday Food City - 603 Wood Ave, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 - Second Monday IGA - 11133 Indian Creek Road, Pound, VA 24279 - Second Thursday Food City - 16410 Wise Street, St. Paul, VA - Third Tuesday Doughmakers Pizza Parking Lot - Norton, VA 24273 - Third Wednesday Mountain Comprehensive Health Corporation Phone: 606- 633-4871 Address: 226 Medical Plaza Lane, Whitesburg, KY 41858 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30 - 8:00, Saturday - Sunday 8:30 - 5:00 Website: https://www.mchcky.com/ Mountain Comprehensive Health Corporation - Pound Medical Clinic Phone: 276-796-8100 Address: 11313 Highland Avenue, Pound, VA 24279 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:30 - 5:00 Norton Community Hospital Phone: 276-439-1000 Address: 100 15th St NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: 24 hours a day Norton VA Clinic Phone: 276-679-8010 Address: 654 US-58 ALT, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 8:00-4:30 Wise County/Norton Health Department Phone number: 276-328-8000 Address: 134 Roberts ST SW, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday-Friday 8-5 Mental Health Services Anchoring Hope Counseling Phone: 276-298-5034 Address: 217 E. Main St, Wise, VA 24293 Website: www.ahchope.com Hours: Monday - Friday 9-7 Clarvida Phone: 276-679-1045 Address: 340 Anderson Hollow Rd NE, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Frontier Health - Wise County Behavioral Health Phone: 276-260-9991 Address: 295 Wharton Lane, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Thursday 8-6, Friday 8-12 Healing Waters Counseling Center Phone: 276-963-0111 Address: 106 Spring Ave NE, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Health Connect America Phone: 276-6447690 Address: 616 Park Ave NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Prescription Assistance Advocate Center Phone: 276-679-0967 Address: 1024 Park Ave NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 8-5 St. Mary’s Faith Pharmacy Phone: 276-328-8850 Address: 5626 Patriot Dr, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Substance Abuse Services Crossroads Treatment Center of Wise Phone: 877-848-9810 Address: 163 Plaza Rd, Wise, VA 24293 Hours: Monday 2-5, Tuesday 9-1, Thursday 9-12 Frontier Health - Wise County Behavioral Health Phone: 276-260-9991 Address: 295 Wharton Lane, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Thursday 8-6, Friday 8-12 Groups Recover Together Phone: 540-202-2554 Address: 280 Virginia Ave NE Suite 104, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Mon 10-8, Tues & Wed 9-7, Thur 10-8 Hopkins Medical Association Phone: 276-409-2463 Address: 1014 Park Ave NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 New Life Medicine Phone: 276-409-5922 Address: 1725 Park Ave SW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday - Friday 8-5 Savida Health Big Stone Gap Phone: 276-409-5055 Address: 310 Cloverleaf Square Suite B2, BSG, VA 24219 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Savida Health Coeburn Phone: 276-777-0380 Address: 208 W Front St, Coeburn, VA 24230 Hours: Monday - Friday 9-5 Spero Health Phone: 276-325-7608 Address: 338 Coeburn Ave SW Suite 336, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Call for hours of operation Suicide and Crisis Support Frontier Health - Crisis Response Hotline Phone: 877-928-9062 Hours: 24 hours a day Frontier Health - Hawthorne Place Phone: 276-679-1436 Address: 500 Hawthorne Place, Norton, Va 24273 Hours: Walk ins 24 hours a day Frontier Health - Link House Phone: 877-288-1828 Address: 433 New Beason Well Rd, Kingsport, TN Hours: 24 hours a day Crisis support for teens who are afraid to go home 911 Emergency Services Phone: 911 Hours: 24 hours a day 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Phone: 988 - Call, text, or chat Hours: 24 hours a day Transportation Advocate Center Phone: 276-679-0967 Address: 1024 Park Ave NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 8-5 MEOC Public Transit Phone: 888-877-6748 Address: 1380 3rd Ave E, Big Stone Gap, VA 24219 Hours: Monday - Friday 7-5 Medicaid Recipients call the following numbers for public transit or gas reimbursement to medicaid appointments: Aetna Better Health of Virginia…………….....800-734-0430 Anthem HealthKeepers Plus…………………..877-892-3988 Human Healthy Horizons of Virginia…………877-718-4215 Sentara Health Plans…………………………..877-892-3986 United Healthcare of the Mid-Atlantic………..833-215-3885 Utilities Assistance Advocate Center Phone: 276-679-0967 Address: 1024 Park Ave NW, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 8-5 Appalachian Community Action & Development Agency, Inc Phone: 276-452-2441 Address: 175 Military Lane, Gate City, VA 24251 Hours: Call for hours of operation Family Crisis Support Services Phone: 276-679-7240 Address: 5668 Freedom Boulevard, Norton, VA 24273 Hours: Monday-Friday 9-5, Saturday-Sunday 2-10 Website: https://family-crisis.org
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